Broken Hearted

Okay, so every designer's dream is to have a book published.  This has been my dream and last year, my dream came true with a "go ahead, let's do this" by a big publishing company.  I worked my butt off for 4 months, it was a hard time for my family because I was cramped down with deadlines and I was so stressed out.  Stressed out Mama means stressed out family. So, I finally got everything done - I felt so excited and relieved that I could send out my projects and be done and just wait for that book to arrive in the mail. 

Well, the time came that the book was to come out, my editor was not getting back to me.  I just wanted to see my cover and be able to share with you, my readers that it was actually happening.  This happened for months and my original release date had passed by, I finally got someone to respond to me and turns out my editor was no longer with the company, but my book was coming out in July.  With a promise of preview pictures I kept waiting.  Well, I got an email yesterday saying that the VP of Editorial would like to have a phone conversation.  In my gut I knew what was going to happen, then all day yesterday she never called.  This morning she got a hold of me and told me that they decided not to publish my book.  Wow, shock, sadness - and I was just listening thinking, really?  So, no one ever bothered to tell me months ago?  All I could think about was how hard I worked, how everyone around the blog world has a book, and it just seems like it would be my turn.  Then, the reasoning - apparently my quilting was "too good" - okay?  So, I should have just not put as much effort into my work and maybe it would have worked out?  I guess their readers are beginners and their buyers didn't want it.  I understand that publishers are out to make money, and I guess I can wrap my head around the fact that maybe I wouldn't have sold enough for them, but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that my projects were too good. I pour my heart into every project I do and my book was no different.  I feel like if I share my talents, then it will encourage everyone in the quilting world to do their best and go after their own goals.

So, perspective - maybe things will work out better than before... Maybe I can publish it myself?  Or maybe another publisher wants to take it on.  Then, I think about it and realize, what publisher is going to take on a "axed" project?  It's all just so disheartening, I have been bawling for the last couple hours and I wasn't going to say anything about it.  Then I thought that maybe if I just get it all out in the open, and let you know that I don't have a book coming out then I just might feel a sense of that the right word?  Maybe the Lord just wants to keep me humble so that I remember and realize that quilting isn't everything and that I have a husband and children that I care for more than a book.  Anyway, I will just cry for a little bit, take a day off quilting and hold my head up high and start again tomorrow...

June 12, 2012 by Judi
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